Posted in Relationships

Four Ways to Spot a Wolf

What I am about to tell you is a true story…

After careful consideration and planning, my little girl and I adopted a dog from the animal shelter. We were ready for the responsibility and my travel had slowed down. So, we made the trip to the animal shelter and saw the most beautiful dog. He was well-behaved and he was the only dog who didn’t bark like crazy.

My daughter fell in love with him instantly. I told her we would go home and think about this over night and then come back. There was much to consider adopting this dog. He was big, had lots of hair (which meant there would be lots of shedding) and would need extra walks and exercise. Not to mention all the food he would eat.

The next day we go back to the shelter and we take him out for a walk. Yes, I fell in love with him too! OK, this is our dog; he will be a part of our family. We adopt him, micro chip him, and get his shots. Then we go to the store to buy the toys, the leash, the food, and crate. My daughter named him Mordecai, Mordy for short.

Mordy was the perfect dog! He was so well-behaved, not one accident in the house, he walked nicely with us on the leash, he was affectionate, followed us around the house, and he NEVER barked. Because I was a single mom, Mordy also brought with him a sense of security as a potential guard dog.

Everyone commented on how beautiful he was. He would hold his head high as he walked proudly down the streets.

But people kept asking me the same question, no matter where we went, comments about his beauty were always followed by, “Is he a wolf?”

“No, he is a husky mix.” I would answer, because that is what the papers said.

The day came for Mordy to get the snip. You know… the snip male dogs get. I drop him at the vet and in a few hours I go back to pick him up. “Surgery went well,” the vet tech told me. And then she asked me the question… “Do you know what kind of dog you have?”

“Yea, he is a husky mix.” I answer.

“No.” She tells me. “He is a wolf.”

Everyone saw it but me. This began to explain a lot.

After the honeymoon period, Mordy’s wolf side started to show. You see, in a wolf pack there is only one alpha. In my home Mordy viewed me as the alpha. He went from the best dog ever to a wolf challenging my position as alpha. It became quite intimidating, let me tell ya!

What I viewed as a well-behaved dog, was actually a wolf in waiting.

He never barked because wolves don’t bark. He could have never been the watchdog protector, because he would assume the alpha (uh, that would be me), would take care of any intruder. He would go back and forth, one minute the best gentle dog, and then the next minute a wild wolf. It was unnerving sleeping with one eye open.

I was sad when I had to find Mordy a new home. He is now with a man who knows how to handle wolves. But, I did learn a valuable lesson from this experience. Wolves do not make good family members. You can not tame a wolf.

I also learned another lesson. Sometimes people are like wolves. The Bible warns us about wolves in sheep’s clothing. I met a few wolves. And I think I have learned how to spot them.

You may not recognize them right away, because like Mordy, they are very attractive at first. They are on their best behavior. They are well-behaved, gentle, and do whatever it takes to get into your home. They will lull you into a false sense of security. Then their true nature will start to show. It will be subtle at first, and you will think things like, “Maybe he is having a bad day?” or “Maybe I am not giving her enough attention?”

Then they will watch for your vulnerabilities. They will challenge you. They will bite you right in the backside. Not only will you begin to feel “not safe” with them, you aren’t safe period; because it is not in their interest to protect you. Remember, they wants to dominate you, because that is what wolves do.

They will begin to shed their beautiful coat, leaving a mess for you to clean up, and they will no longer be attractive. It starts little by little and at first you will doubt what you are seeing. After all, they were so beautiful, how did they get so ugly?

Remember the walks you used to enjoy? Forget that! Because they don’t want to walk with you anymore; now they just want to pull you into the oncoming traffic.

This is how to protect yourself from being deceived into bringing a wolf into your home and unsafe relationships.

1. Listen to the people closest to you. If they cry wolf, you just might have a wolf.

2. Don’t fall for the pretty coat. Eventually they will shed their coat. What’s underneath is what is important. To be clearer, the Bible says it like this; you will know them by their fruits. Look for these fruits.

But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].-Galatians 5:22-23 (Amp).

3. A wolf will not protect you! If they don’t have your best interest, if they are self-centered, if it’s always about them, then you may have a wolf.

4. If they are not genuine, are short-tempered, lack self-control, and you don’t trust them to not bite you in the backside…

RUN! You have a wolf!

Posted in Relationships

Relationships: Do We Only Allow People To Treat Us As Bad As We Treat Ourselves?

If one was to come across someone who was in an abusive relationship, they might believe that this person is a victim. And, if this is the case, the person they are with is naturally going to be the perpetrator.


One could speak to them about what they go through when they are with their partner, and they could ask them how long it has been going on for. It could then be clear to them that this person needs to end the relationship.

From here, one could suggest that they reach out for external support as this will allow them to change their life. One could leave it at that, or they could end up doing more than just offer their advice.

One Step Further

This could mean that one will offer them somewhere to live if they walk away from their partner, or they could offer to help them financially. Alternatively, they could just put them in touch with the different organisations that can help them.

Either way, it might only be a matter of time before this person is able to put this all behind them and to move forward. At the same time, this might not happen and they could stay with their abusive partner.

A Slightly Different Scenario

One could wonder why this person would stay in a relationship that is having a negative effect on them. They could then continue to do what they can to help them, or they could get to the point where they no longer have the energy to be there for them.

On the other hand, this person could leave their abusive partner and, before long, they could end up with someone who is very similar. If this was to take place, one could find it hard to comprehend how this could happen.


To leave an abusive relationship is one thing, and it is another thing altogether to leave one and end up in another. One could begin to think about why this would happen, or they could just believe that this is someone who has no control over their life.

If one does believe that this person has no control over their life, it could also show that they have a similar outlook. Then again, one could believe that they only have control when it comes to certain areas of their life.

One Area

Their career could be seen as something that they have an effect on, but it could be a different story when it comes to their relationships. So, if they do end up with people who treat them badly, it could just show that they are unlucky.

And if they do have this outlook, it could be said that it is going to be much of a surprise. The reason for this is that they probably live in a society that believes that people just happen to end up in abusive relationships.

Two Sides

As a result of this, there are people who are victims and then there are people who are perpetrators. Therefore, if one is treated badly by someone, this person will need to change in order for their life to change.

If this doesn’t happen, they will need another person to come and rescue them. On one level, it could be said that one is a victim, but if they were to take a step back, they may see that there is more to it.

The Reason

During this time, they may begin to see that what is taking place externally is no different to what is taking place within them. Said another way, one may find that they don’t treat themselves very well.

For one thing, they are putting up with someone who is treating them badly – that will be one thing that they can’t overlook. And, if they were to pay attention to how they talk to themselves, they may find that they are their own worst enemy.

A Match

It is then not that one just happens to be treated badly; it is that this is what feels comfortable. Due to how they treat themselves, if they were treated differently it wouldn’t feel right.

Most people are not going to be aware of what is taking place within them, and this is why they would come to the conclusion they are a victim. The same could be said when one sees another person as a victim.

Two Parts

There is going to be what is taking place in their mind and then there is going to be what is going in their body. If one doesn’t speak to themselves in a positive manner and they have negative beliefs, there is a strong chance that they are carrying trauma in their body.

What is taking place in their body is then going to have a big effect on what is taking place in their mind. One way of looking at this would be to say that their body is where the root is and their mind is where the branches are.


The best way for them to change what is taking place in their mind will be for them to let go of what is going on in their body. If they are carrying trauma, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected when they were younger.

It might then be a good idea for one to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist or a healer.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

Posted in Relationships

I Think You Expected Too Much

A few days after my father passed away in august 2011, I went to Ibiza for just under two weeks. At the time I was in two minds about going away: part of me felt I should stay at home, and another part of me felt that it would be good for me to get away.

The mentor that I spoke about in the “No One Will Listen To You!” article said that I should go as I needed a break. My mother, on the other hand, said that I shouldn’t go away.

A Welcome Break

Even though my father had only passed on a few days before I went away, it still hadn’t sunk in. I did feel relieved, though, that he was now free from all the pain that he had been experiencing for so long.

Shorty after I arrived, I felt that I had made the right decision. This was somewhere that I had thought about visiting for many years, primarily because I was into dance music.

Up and Down

At times, I ended up feeling drained, and this was often the case when I woke up. What helped was that I had gone away with a good friend and that I had the chance to talk to different people.

One evening when we went down to get dinner I started speaking to this attractive blond woman. I had already spoken to a number of other people when we came down for dinner and breakfast, so I wasn’t doing anything that I hadn’t done before.

The Difference

Still, what was different was that I met a woman who was unlike any other women I had met during this time. Not only was she gorgeous, she also had a great energy, and it soon become clear that it wasn’t one-sided either.

After this, we continued to talk when we saw each other at breakfast or dinner. We then exchanged numbers and started to text, and it didn’t take long before we arranged to meet.

It Didn’t Last Long

However, although everything was going well, it wasn’t long before she had to go back home. She wasn’t going back to England, though, she was going back to Germany.

As I hadn’t been there for long, I felt incredibly annoyed that she would be leaving soon. We continued to speak after she had gone home, and I sad that once I got home I would go and visit her.

Another Trip

After I had been back for a number of weeks, I ended up flying out Germany. When I got there I was slightly early, so I headed into the town and ended up going into a cafe.

I had something to eat and then it was soon time for me to head back to the train station to meet her. When I met her again, it soon hit me that something wasn’t right; it was as if what was there was no longer there.

Two Experiences

I came to see that what had been taking place in my mind didn’t match up with the reality of the situation. But as I was going to be for there for about five days, I did what I could to go along with it.

The kind of connection that we had whilst we were away was no longer there. It became clear that I wasn’t the only one who had a lot of stuff going on at home, as there were a number of things in her life that she wasn’t happy about.

Completely Deluded

Ultimately, the kind of connection that we had in Ibiza was the result of a number of different factors. So now that we were no longer in the same environment, it was to be expected that it would be different.

I had been too caught up in what took place in Ibiza to think about all this. Before I got there, I actually thought that we could have a long distance relationship.

Crashing Back Down To Earth

There were a number of moments when I wondered what I was doing there. My ability to think clearly had been offline for a little while but after I had been there for few days it soon came back online.

On the morning before I went home, this woman’s mother said that I expected too much from her daughter. When I heard this part of me didn’t want to accept it, but another part of me knew that she was right.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.