Posted in Relationships

This Guy Was Great At Approaching Women

Towards the end of 2007, I started to look for information on how to improve my success with women. After I had been reading about self-development for quite some time, this seemed like the next step.

During this time, I heard about a community that existed to help men improve with women. If I remember rightly, I heard about this community indirectly through what was mentioned in another book.

The Next Step

I ended up singing up to do one day of a boot camp, and this was a fascinating experience. Certain parts tested me, while there were other parts that made me wonder what was going on.

The reason for this was that the right amount of guidance wasn’t always provided; at times, it was as though certain trainers were just as lost as the students. There was one trainer who really stood out, though.

The Real Deal

When we were all ‘out in the field’, this guy was like some kind of army general. He wasn’t there to waste time or to watch students stand around; he was there to make sure that they approached women.

However, he wasn’t just standing around waiting for students to do this, as he was only too happy to show them how to do it. He was training other students, so I saw this from afar.

A Mixed Response

On one side, I felt a bit intimated by him, and, on another, I wanted to find out more about him. I remember complimenting him on the long red jacket that he wore, and this was before I started to wear read.

I soon found out that his name was Richard, and it wasn’t long before out paths crossed again. Through spending time with him, I came to see that he would approach women absolutely anywhere – nothing fazed him.

It Was Always On

It didn’t matter if he was on the tube, a bus, a train, in a shop or walking around a populated area, as he would comfortably talk to women. He made it all look so easy and effortless.

There is one moment that comes to mind that shows how good he was at approaching women and taking things further. There was a time when he approached a woman at a train station and it wasn’t long before he was kissing the same women.

A Different Outlook

In a way, it was as though he had some kind of super power. Still, through getting to know him, I found out that he hadn’t always been this way and that he had done thousands and thousands of approaches to get to this level.

I wanted to find out more about him as a person; I didn’t see him as someone who was there to fill my needs. I think that this was one of the main reasons why we became friends; whereas it was normal for other people to see him as someone who was purely there to help them with women.

Final Thoughts

I treated him in the same way that I treated my other friends. There is no doubting how much of an effect Richard had on my life; there was what he showed me directly and there was what I learned through simply being around him.

Through growing up in guest house my conversational skills were fairly developed, but approaching women was all new to me. This was then a time when I could improve on what I had already developed.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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Human Relations Are Beautiful

Human relations are complex and beautiful. Though people and their behavior is unpredictable yet they bring happiness most of the time in our life. We cherish the memories with our people and they certainly make our life worth living.

Our whole life directly or indirectly revolves around people from our birth till our last breath.

Human beings are the biggest source and contributor of energy, learning, affection, inspiration, recreation and communication for everyone. That’s why they are referred as “social beings”. Therefore, we can easily say that all our wants, needs, dreams and desires get fulfilled by people around us. Thus, we study, play, joke, talk, eat, work, ride, enjoy, party or go out with our friends, companions, colleagues, class mates, acquaintances, cousins, family. These people could subsequently become our teacher, mentor, guide, coach and philosopher at some point of time.

From times immemorial till this era of Millennium, nothing has really changed when talk about our social preferences. We are constantly engaging with people, thereby spending a significant amount of time with them on daily basis. And without any doubt, our “near and dear” ones are incredibly with us during our good and bad times. Further, let me take pride in saying that we celebrate all festivals, joyous moments, birthday celebrations enthusiastically with our lovely people. In short, their sheer presence during crisis situation provides us immense strength to fight any difficult situation or recover from the worst health complications. Thus, they motivate us to give our best even in the most stressful times. It sounds funny but true that even while dreaming, we are most of the time engaging with our people.

If people were so important to all of us, then why the hell do we condemn them or their behavior? Why do we get hurt and hurt them too? Why do we ridicule them by calling these very people complex creatures with unpredictable behavior? Why do we curse them or humiliate them?

To answer the above questions and as per my thought process, we should not generalize a behavior to conclude or form a perception from few unpleasant experiences, situations or interactions.

So, what do we do? The best we could do is to always analyse a situation through “occurrence test of reality” model. This test assesses a person and his character along with measuring his credibility by going through his past record while he had interacted with you some time in the past. Assuming, he has supported you more than fifty per cent of the time in the past. This percentage implies that he is definitely a well-wisher and only last few times, he has not been able to support you. And this change in his behavior last few times could be due to an uncontrolled circumstance at his end. This could also be due to his inability to do so on account of his changing priorities or commitments. So, this change could be a transient phase and might get over soon.

A matured person therefore could at times ignore or forget such a recent behavior than taking it personally and showing his resentment. Least he is expected to do is bitching about that person or feeling shattered with the changed behavior. To put it in a perspective, give this person a benefit of doubt once. And do remember, we as human beings do forget several things on lot of occasions.

Further, let us discuss about another issue observed in most of the relationships. Most often, as our relationship evolves, there is a whole lot of expectation burden surrounding it. As a result, this burden starts bothering our relationship, thus leading to numerous quarrels, misunderstandings and bitter feelings.

A sensible person should minimize his expectations as increasing expectations could turn beautiful relationship into unnecessary trouble. Further, please note reciprocation in any relationship is important but it should not create obstacles in a healthy relationship with boggling expectations.

Few important take away could be: Empathizing with your near and dear ones and extending our support unconditionally can work wonders thereby sowing seeds of a platonic relationship. Another take away is not reacting immediately and aggressively to hated arguments, nasty messages, sensitive points. Keeping it for another time could actually save our relationships from getting ruined for ever.

Further, there could be occasions when you continue to get perturbed by your near and dear ones changing behavior or you experienced his behavior has become negative towards you. In this case, the most preferred thing would be to speak candidly to the concerned person than keeping it within yourself and waiting for a later date in future.

Be precise, transparent and courageous to communicate your feelings. Feel free to elaborate as to how his changing behavior is affecting you.

As a rule, eliminate the scope of any negative feelings, traits and emotions in a relationship. It is not at all advisable being fake, dishonest, hypocrite, suspecting, being possessive, jealous in a healthy relationship.

Respect and value all your relationships. They are an integral part of our life. At the same time, let’s also accept that relationships could go through ups and downs of life. Every single day, you have to invest your time and positive energy for them to evolve and succeed. Being honest always helps in building a robust friendship.

Last but not the least. Remember relationships could become more giving, loving, interesting, fulfilling provided we value them, respect them and work towards nurturing them. Long lasting relationships should be truly progressive than turning regressive and suffocating with time. I love my Life and all the wonderful people who have made my life so beautiful. Relationships in my life have transformed my life miraculously and made my life more livable.

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Do You See What I See? Seeing From the Heart of Others

ALL our lives we search for the secret, the meaning, heaven on earth, nirvana. And do we find it? No, we never do. This is because we never challenge ourselves to break past our comfortable thinking zones.

We never think why Jesus was always seeking to connect our understanding to the connected themes of forgiveness and the abundant life, i.e. forgiveness leads to an abundant life; abundant living is contingent on forgiveness.

The fact is we cannot hope to experience His abundant life while we harbour bitterness of any sort or size in our heart.

There is a direct correlation between hatred of another person and hatred within our person.

If we have anything against anyone we bear fear that no human was designed to bear.

God made us in His image to love and be loved. Any departure from that brings disconnection and alienation. We were designed from the beginning to experience a constant state of healing. Now, because of sin, we have to enter such a space of healing through intention, because God loved us so much to give us free will. We need to want it. Because of sin it is no longer automatic to think, say and do things that are blessed. But not many choose healing by intention, and those who do are challenged to do it consistently – which can only be learned through the discipleship of following Jesus by bearing our cross as He beared His; that occurs over the refining years.

Now is the opportunity to connect our will with the Divine will, for God’s glory. This is to begin to see that our healing is utterly dependent on others’ healing – that, as they heal through the agency of our forgiveness, we heal. And the foretaste of such healing is the experience that we’re no longer threatened by others and can therefore never be a threat to anyone. (I speak in terms of having attained this, as illustrative, so we know the reward we’re striving for.)

The key to making this work, more and more, as we grow into it, is to encounter others as individuals glorious in God’s making and sight. That, because of Jesus, God has maximum pleasure in them as they are. The invitation is to swap our limited sight of heart for the sight of heart God has for the person we’re encountering. We imagine this other person, whether we like them or not, and especially if we dislike them, inviting us into themselves through the question, do you see what I see? to see not so much into their world, but from their world; from their eyes, ears, mind, and heart.

The moment we’re grateful for the person who has wronged us is the moment our heart is being transformed by forgiveness. We cannot do this without God doing something majestically graceful in us. Remember what is impossible for humans is possible for God.

If we see how others see we begin to understand the world how they understand it. Then it is no large leap to forgive them. And as we continue relating with this person, God continues opening our heart to how they experience the world. Then, suddenly, there is connection, our fear fades, and the abundant life approaches and comes into the realm of our experience. All because we were no longer estranged to God in them.

A fundamental Jesus reality: we cannot heal without others healing; we do not understand unless we seek to understand as they understand. His abundant life is intrinsically linked to our forgiving others.

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Four Basic Steps to Biblical Reconciliation

RECONCILING moments, situations, conflicts and relationships is the major life task. None of us is immune to the hurts that come so frequently with ferocity in life. Yet, when we show we can overcome these hurts using a tried-and-tested method that is easily learned, and practiced with persistence, we find we have overcome our world in Jesus’ name (see John 16:33).

Here is a biblical four-step process of movements, an established wisdom, for the reconciliation of relationships:


Looking upward in conflict is learning that the first step is the goal of glorifying God.

As we started to look up, finding ourselves appropriately positioned to do the next three steps, we committed to continuing to look up. God’s Holy Spirit works miracles from this position of our heart.


Looking inward is about making our best self-assessment regarding what my contribution to the conflict is. We get the log out of our own eye, to use Jesus’ own words (Matthew 7:3-5). We establish a desire to work out what our unmet demands were. Before we approach the other person. Because if we’ve got something to apologise for, we go to the other person in the conflict in a state of sustainable humility.

The other person won’t listen to us unless we’ve owned our part of the conflict.


Having readied ourselves to apologise for what we did wrong or failed to do, we go outward to the other person, who generally reciprocates – if they see we’re sincere in simply owning our fault. If they still don’t own their part of the conflict we do not yet have reconciliation. They may need time or they may never reciprocate. All in God’s timing, which we’re blessed to accept. Whatever they do, we have glorified God all-the-more in being honest about our contribution, being prepared to leave it at that, in faith. And yet if there is reciprocation, we have the last step in view.


Looking onward to a future bulging with hope, reconciliation as a vision is achieved when both parties have reckoned the results of conflict and have redeemed their contributions. Parties can indeed then look onward as trust between them is enhanced.

Posted in Relationships

5 Feelings We Hate Feeling

ACCEPTANCE, understanding, appreciation, inclusion, and being valued; all states of feeling we crave for in a social world. But the world is also a harsh place where we all get to experience the opposites of these five states of feeling.

Five feelings we hate feeling:

1. We hate feeling rejected – the feeling of rejection is akin to abandonment, which speaks of the absence of care and/or conditionality in love. If a person needs to do something specific to be loved, they quickly discover they’re not worthy of love on their own terms. Acceptance on the other hand is about unconditional love.

2. We hate feeling misunderstood – this was a particular weakness I had that I felt quite vulnerable about – until I met a biblical counselling professor who suffered the same weakness. I discovered we all suffer it to some degree. None of us like it when people assume they know us or understand us when they don’t. Understanding a person is one of the quickest ways of building intimacy in the relationship.

3. We hate feeling unappreciated – everyone does things that are appreciable. Being recognised, or having our work recognised, is important. When others are recognised and we are not we cannot help noticing the partiality. Appreciating people for the small things they do is a great way to elicit respect.

4. We hate feeling excluded – like feeling rejected, not being included sends a clear message we’re not good enough. The Pharisees loved their exclusivity. And anyone playing the same game reveals their insecurity. Note the paradox: the insecure exclude others, making them feel insecure, to feel better and more secure about themselves. Secure people on the other hand have no problems including others, especially the outliers.

5. We hate feeling undervalued – nobody is worthless, for all have supreme worth, but we can be made to feel worthless. It is good to discern those who have worth issues and find ways to truly value them.

The simple message is this: when it comes to other people accept them, understand them, appreciate them, include them, and value them.

Wherever possible, as far as it depends on us, we should surround ourselves with people who are about acceptance, understanding, appreciation, inclusion, and valuing people. Such people are breath, hope, light, and life.

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She Was Emotionally Unavailable

When I met the woman who I would go on to spend a number of months with in 2013, I remember seeing her from a certain angle and thinking about how much she looked like my mother. It wouldn’t be accurate for me to say that this was something that I consciously thought about, though, as this was something that I only just picked up on.

If I had been completely caught up in the moment, I wouldn’t have even noticed this. But while I was able to step back and to see this, this wasn’t something that had much of an effect as time went by.

Pulled In

After I had met her for the first time, I was keen to see her again. So, even though I didn’t know a great deal about her, I felt extremely attracted to her.

What helped was that she also wanted to get together again, and this meant that we got together a number of days later. When I first met her I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but this soon changed.

The Previous Year

Before we got together, I had read a number of books on child abuse, one about emotionally absent mothers, and I had done a fair amount of healing work, so it wasn’t as though my head was completely in the clouds. In many ways, I felt as though I was ready to have a relationship with a woman.

I didn’t know anything about her history, but this all changed when she started to speak about her ex. From what I can remember, this was a guy who had a child and he lived over a hundred miles away.

A Red Flag

And after she told me some of the things that he had said, it sounded as though he was verbally abusive. I thought it was strange that she was still talking about this guy, but I think that I soon put this to one side.

However, after a little while I started to think about how I was with a woman who was emotionally unavailable. Along with what she had said about her ex, there was also a moment when she said about how she would like to settle down.

I Felt Invisible

She had found someone who was different, but it wasn’t possible for her to embrace the person who was in front of her. Her ex was then someone who treated her badly, yet she was still attached to him.

Interestingly, I was reading a book called Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes at the time, and this books looks into how we can be attracted to people as a result of the trauma that we are carrying. This book caught her eye when she got out of my car one morning, and she said that it might be a good idea for her to read it.

The End

When we got together to talk about what was going on between us, she sad that she wasn’t ready to settle down and that she wanted to get to know herself, or something similar. She also questioned if we he had anything in common.

I soon came to the conclusion that I was with someone who hadn’t got over their ex, which was partly why she wasn’t unavailable. In a way, my purpose was simply to take her mind off him and to make her feel better.

It Was Destined To Happen

I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about what was going on for her, though; I was more interested in what was going on for me. Ultimately, I had attracted a woman into my life who was emotionally unavailable.

I was brought up by a mother who was also emotionally unavailable, so it was to be expected that I would have been drawn to this woman. Consciously, I wanted to find a woman who was available, but at a deeper level, this was what felt comfortable.

A Mirror

If I had focused on what was going on for her and ignored the part that I had played, it would have caused me to see myself as a victim. In reality, this was someone who was mirroing back what was going on within me.

The time had come for me to face what was taking place within me and to heal my emotional wounds. I came to see that the women I had been with in the past were also emotionally unavailable.

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Humanology for Couples – Personal Development

Those who know us also know that we haven’t had it easy, with quite a few heavy hurdles on the way. But here we are, still together and yes, happy. That’s why I decided to share some of the things that work for us with you. I hope they can help you be together and happy, too.

The most important basic element in our couple is that we CHOSE to share our lives and grow together. We both DECIDED to walk TOGETHER in this life. That means that we both support one another and share goals and dreams. Neither of us walks and the other one follows. No, we WALK TOGETHER. Every time there’s something new in our lives, be it something in his or in mine, we sit together and discuss it. We then decide what to do. Once again, together.

This all means that our paths are constantly aligned. We make the effort and take the time to make sure that we’re both on the same page. My husband obviously has his goals and dreams. I have my own, too. But what we do is, we make sure that his reaching his and my reaching mine somehow helps us both or at least doesn’t impact the other one negatively. For example, we both work. We try to organize our trips abroad in such a way that one of us is at home, keeping things running. When I go, he stays and takes over. When he goes, I stay and take over. He understands that my professional fulfilment and development is as important to me as his is to him.

My husband often says that a relationship would be very unrewarding if the other person didn’t feel fulfilled and had nothing to share with his/her partner. That doesn’t mean that we should all work outside of home or pursue professional goals. No. What we mean by that is that both partners in a relationship should be able to feel fulfilled in all important aspects of their lives. If a person feels happy staying at home and the couple can live like that, by all means, go for it! If both need to work outside because professional development is an important aspect for both, try and find a way to make it happen. Healthy, solid couples are based on healthy, solid human beings and, to be so, each member of a couple needs to feel like they’re living a rewarding life. If one of the partners feels dissatisfied, unchallenged, bored, hopeless, the couple will surely suffer and probably fail.

Do you know what your other significant other wants in life? Are you sure he/she is getting it or at least pursuing it? And you, do you feel fulfilled, rewarded, satisfied? Are you doing what you want?

There will be times in which one member of the couple might have to do things just to help the other partner reach his/her goals. That’s OK as long as it’s a joint decision and one which doesn’t perpetuate any disadvantages or unhappiness for either partner. Sit together. Speak about your dreams. Listen to one another! Try to find some common ground and common goals and dreams. Then, make a plan. Yes, take some paper and a pen and write down a plan to help both fulfil your dreams together or your individual dreams in conjunction and mutual support, without either suffering. Look for synergies that might push both of you forward. If only one of you is moving forward and reaching goals, the plan will end up failing sooner or later.

Any couple wanting share a life should be a team of two. Later, maybe, a team of more. But as a team, all decisions should be taken together, bearing the wellbeing of both, the team and its members, in mind. If only one of the members of the team is happy, the team will end up breaking up. As simple as that.

Some people tell me, ‘I love to sacrifice myself for my partner and make sure he/she reaches goals. That makes me happy.’ Does it, truly? I respond. If helping your partner reach goals makes you happy and fulfilled because you have no goals of your own, there’s something missing. What do YOU want? If helping your partner reach goals makes you happy and fulfilled because your partner then makes you feel appreciated and loved and that’s what you TRULY want, great, go for it! But because YOU want it.

My first tip for a healthy, long-lasting relationship is then, to make sure that both partners lead what they consider fulfilling, rewarding lives. If one of you is not, sit down together and figure out what is preventing that.

Come back for more ideas on long-lasting relationships. I will be publishing some more articles these coming weeks. Feel free to share them as well, if you think they could help somebody you know.

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I Wanted To Rescue Women

I remember when I was seeing a woman towards the end of 2011, who was going through a challenging time. She wasn’t in a good place, and this meant that I tried to do what I could to help her.

This primarily took place through listening to what she had to say and offering advice. I was also going through a challenging time, but I acted as though I had it all together.

A Number of Things

I had lost my father a few months before and my mother had also been through a challenging time the year before. It wasn’t that I consciously chose to behave in this way, though, as it just happened.

I had been this way for a number of years, and it meant that I had the tendency to focus on a woman’s needs. I acted as though I was needless and this was then a way for me to indirectly fulfil my own needs.

My Outlook

At the time, I believed that this woman needed to be rescued, and that I was the one who could do it. Through having the need to look strong, I didn’t talk a lot about what I was going through.

Also, through focusing on what was going on in her life, it allowed me to avoid what was taking place in my own life. And due to my interest in psychology, I had plenty of advice to offer.

The Same Old Story

After our time had come to an end, I ended up meeting another woman who had a number of challenges. I believed that I had the knowledge and the tools to make a difference in her life, too.

Fortunately, my own issues were starting to get out of control, which meant that I had no other choice than to take a step back. I ended up taking a break and, before long, the same scenario took place all over again.

A New Beginning

However, shortly after a relationship that I was in at the beginning of 2013 came to an end, I was no longer interested in behaving in this way. This was a time when I had to face the pain that was within me.

The need to look strong and as though I had it altogether also came to an end, and I started to see why I was behaving in this way. Deep down, I believe that I didn’t deserved to have my needs met, and this was why I had to get them met indirectly.

A Human Doing

In addition to this, I believed that my value was based on what I did and not on who I was, which was why I had to do things in order to be liked. Said another way, I believed that I would be rejected if I behaved differently.

And as I believed that I was worthless, the last thing I wanted to do was to reveal my true-self to another woman. I believed that I was unlovable, and wearing a mask was a way to hide this from others.

The Time Had Come

One of the big problems I had through wearing a mask was that it wasn’t possible for me to experience intimacy; this could only happen if I revealed my true-self. When the pain within me came up to the surface it was a living hell, but it didn’t last forever.

The experiences that I had with my mother whilst I was growing up had played a big part in why I had experienced life in this way. Luckily, I was able to put an end to this behaviour and to embrace my inherent value.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

Posted in Relationships

A Social Truth That Can Set You Socially Free

LOOKING into his eyes, I saw it. He is a confident, mature young man; a leader comfortable in himself. No real visible fear in him.

Yet, there was a glimpse into his very human heart that showed me we have the capacity to draw social confidence from this truth: every person, no matter how confident they appear, is vulnerable to rejection.

We know it as we understand ourselves. We all crave acceptance. We’ll all driven to comparison. We may falsely believe we’re alone in our disadvantage; that nobody else feels quite as vulnerable as we do. It’s a lie. Change anyone’s circumstances to the negative and their light darkens. They enter a turmoil any human being finds challenging. And it’s their character that determines their response.

As we encounter our fellow human being, male or female, old or young, advantaged or disadvantaged, we encounter someone like us. We’re more the same than we’re different.

As we look into another person’s eyes, curious to peer into the windows of their soul, inherently interested in them, we can gain confidence that we are in fact encountering a form of ourselves.

Because they’re human and we too, also, are human, we grasp how tenuous interaction is – we know we can upset them as they too might be able to upset us. See how all people are vulnerable? See how our fear for upsetting people is our acknowledgement that they’re vulnerable – that we’re not the only vulnerable ones.

We all have the capacity for fear because we all need to love and be loved. Understand this about the person we’re anxious with and suddenly we’re less anxious.

Social anxiety builds when we magnify our vulnerabilities and lessen another’s. But we are all vulnerable.

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Four Ways to Spot a Wolf

What I am about to tell you is a true story…

After careful consideration and planning, my little girl and I adopted a dog from the animal shelter. We were ready for the responsibility and my travel had slowed down. So, we made the trip to the animal shelter and saw the most beautiful dog. He was well-behaved and he was the only dog who didn’t bark like crazy.

My daughter fell in love with him instantly. I told her we would go home and think about this over night and then come back. There was much to consider adopting this dog. He was big, had lots of hair (which meant there would be lots of shedding) and would need extra walks and exercise. Not to mention all the food he would eat.

The next day we go back to the shelter and we take him out for a walk. Yes, I fell in love with him too! OK, this is our dog; he will be a part of our family. We adopt him, micro chip him, and get his shots. Then we go to the store to buy the toys, the leash, the food, and crate. My daughter named him Mordecai, Mordy for short.

Mordy was the perfect dog! He was so well-behaved, not one accident in the house, he walked nicely with us on the leash, he was affectionate, followed us around the house, and he NEVER barked. Because I was a single mom, Mordy also brought with him a sense of security as a potential guard dog.

Everyone commented on how beautiful he was. He would hold his head high as he walked proudly down the streets.

But people kept asking me the same question, no matter where we went, comments about his beauty were always followed by, “Is he a wolf?”

“No, he is a husky mix.” I would answer, because that is what the papers said.

The day came for Mordy to get the snip. You know… the snip male dogs get. I drop him at the vet and in a few hours I go back to pick him up. “Surgery went well,” the vet tech told me. And then she asked me the question… “Do you know what kind of dog you have?”

“Yea, he is a husky mix.” I answer.

“No.” She tells me. “He is a wolf.”

Everyone saw it but me. This began to explain a lot.

After the honeymoon period, Mordy’s wolf side started to show. You see, in a wolf pack there is only one alpha. In my home Mordy viewed me as the alpha. He went from the best dog ever to a wolf challenging my position as alpha. It became quite intimidating, let me tell ya!

What I viewed as a well-behaved dog, was actually a wolf in waiting.

He never barked because wolves don’t bark. He could have never been the watchdog protector, because he would assume the alpha (uh, that would be me), would take care of any intruder. He would go back and forth, one minute the best gentle dog, and then the next minute a wild wolf. It was unnerving sleeping with one eye open.

I was sad when I had to find Mordy a new home. He is now with a man who knows how to handle wolves. But, I did learn a valuable lesson from this experience. Wolves do not make good family members. You can not tame a wolf.

I also learned another lesson. Sometimes people are like wolves. The Bible warns us about wolves in sheep’s clothing. I met a few wolves. And I think I have learned how to spot them.

You may not recognize them right away, because like Mordy, they are very attractive at first. They are on their best behavior. They are well-behaved, gentle, and do whatever it takes to get into your home. They will lull you into a false sense of security. Then their true nature will start to show. It will be subtle at first, and you will think things like, “Maybe he is having a bad day?” or “Maybe I am not giving her enough attention?”

Then they will watch for your vulnerabilities. They will challenge you. They will bite you right in the backside. Not only will you begin to feel “not safe” with them, you aren’t safe period; because it is not in their interest to protect you. Remember, they wants to dominate you, because that is what wolves do.

They will begin to shed their beautiful coat, leaving a mess for you to clean up, and they will no longer be attractive. It starts little by little and at first you will doubt what you are seeing. After all, they were so beautiful, how did they get so ugly?

Remember the walks you used to enjoy? Forget that! Because they don’t want to walk with you anymore; now they just want to pull you into the oncoming traffic.

This is how to protect yourself from being deceived into bringing a wolf into your home and unsafe relationships.

1. Listen to the people closest to you. If they cry wolf, you just might have a wolf.

2. Don’t fall for the pretty coat. Eventually they will shed their coat. What’s underneath is what is important. To be clearer, the Bible says it like this; you will know them by their fruits. Look for these fruits.

But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].-Galatians 5:22-23 (Amp).

3. A wolf will not protect you! If they don’t have your best interest, if they are self-centered, if it’s always about them, then you may have a wolf.

4. If they are not genuine, are short-tempered, lack self-control, and you don’t trust them to not bite you in the backside…

RUN! You have a wolf!